I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
my liver is dry heaving
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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