i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
