the condom got lost in my hair
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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