Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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