I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize