I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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