I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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