I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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