I think I am morally bankrupt
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
