let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
