if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
