If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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