New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
