When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
