saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
