some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
