nut hugger
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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