Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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