is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
