It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
