I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
