thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
