The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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