Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
