I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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