i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
