I am puke
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
