My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Every concussion has its silver lining
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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