soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
