I just pynch a tree in the face
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
