At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
