Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
