thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
