I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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