I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
nutella sex= disaster
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
