It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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