You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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