my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
