Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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