so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
