im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
