I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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