Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
