i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
