The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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