lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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