Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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