My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
