So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
