My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she woke up with a sticky ear
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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