i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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