getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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