hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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