last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
