porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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