I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
