A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize