I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
