Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
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