dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
