We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
