Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
