The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
