I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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