i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
