Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
