Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
