Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
