Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I am available for nakedness
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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