I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
