Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize