Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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