What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
