I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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