Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm jealous of your bromance
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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