The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
