Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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