Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I am one with the molecules
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
