Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Hippo gnu deer
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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