took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
