why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
