mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
