I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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