i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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