Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
