just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
