There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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