you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
