I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
