do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
