WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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